Thursday, January 14, 2010

It has been a while....

It has been a while since I have posted here, and I am truly sorry. I apologize to my friends, my followers, and my fellow artists, ....all of whom check in here to see what in the world has been going on in my life and with my dolls. I am sorry to have missed your Christmas Day and your New Years Eve parties, and the New Year coming in to greet us all. For me, the beginning of December showed great promise with happy festive lights and the showing of a wonderful Santa that would soon be traveling to Mexico. It all was not meant to be, atleast, not for me, not at that time. I have missed so much in this past month, but after I explain, I think you will all be understanding and hopefully forgiving.

You see, on the afternoon of December 16th, 2009, I received grave news that my oldest son, who had just turned 21 years old, had committed suicide by hanging himself on the evening of December 15, 2009. It was not expected, nor could anyone see the writing on the wall, it just happened, as with all suicides. At the time, he was incarcerated for things that he had not yet gone to court over; I believe he had a court date set for this upcoming March. He had many plans for the future, talking about his recent engagement, and a family one day, with hopes of going to college and turning his life around once he got out of jail. He had a lot of hopes and dreams for the future, so as you can imagine, it was a bit of a shocker to hear the news.

I have gone through the gambit of emotions with the death and loss of a loved one. The one that still lingers still from the moment of hearing the tragic news is anger. I am still angry at the jail system for letting this happen. I will probably never understand how such a tragedy could happen under such close supervision. I will be angry a long time, and sad, even longer. Of course, as one might imagine, my heart is still hurting from that moment in my life and I have good days, as well as the bad and sad days, but I have managed to keep moving forward as life around us does not stop moving.

As a result, unfortunately, the little Santa that I had been working on for the family in Mexico did not make it in time for Christmas. In fact, I finally shipped him out this week. I am forever grateful to them for their understanding and patience as I regained my composure and pulled myself back together enough to be able to finish him. It is an odd feeling to feel like Humpty Dumpty that fell off the wall. One minute you are sitting tall and pretty, then the next minute you have had the wind knocked out of your sails and you are in bits and pieces laying all over the ground wondering how to pick yourself up again. The pieces are going back together, slowly and surely, and I am on the road to a mending heart.

At any rate, I felt I owed an explanation to all of you for my absence in this past month. I wish I could say that things were different, but they are what they are. I have missed all of you and I have missed creating. It is a part of me that helps me to find solace and brings great peace to my heart, soul and mind. I do have an idea for my next project, but I am having a very hard time pulling myself to the clay still. I do know, that I have to just make it happen; pick up the clay and just begin on something, no matter what it might be. So, do not be alarmed if all you find here is a painted twig. If that is what it takes for me to start the creative process, then so be it.

Anyway, I know this is rather late for Christmas, but since he is finished I wanted to show him to you all anyway. Hopefully, soon, I'll have a new project posted here. Bur, for now, we'll have to do with this wonderful little santa. He stands at 11" and is a poseable doll, made of prosculpt clay. He is called "Gifts for Gaby". The gifts represent each person in her wonderful little family. Her only request was that he is winking. One day while exchaning a mail message, she made the comment how he looked like a squeezable teddy bear, and so from that moment on, the teddy bear stuck. She also told me about how the men in her house (her hubby and son) loved to watch futbol! yes...that would be soccer for some of us. And, so the soccer ball just had to come into fashion. So, the santa holds one sculpted teddy bear which symbolizes the fact that she herself is a sculptor and her comments about the teddy bear. He carries a stuffed teddy bear, a gift for her daughter, who is just like her mother I'm sure. The sculpted package represents her husband, who is also a sculptor, and he can fill his gift with whatever he imagines as men are often times hard to buy for. :) And, of course, the soccer ball is for her son, who loves the sport of soccer!




  1. Hi sweetie,
    Be angry, be sad just let every emotion you feel be there/come out for as long as you feel that emotion(even if it's 10 years!!!).
    There's nothing worse for a mother then this.

    Hey I love to see that painted twig LOL.
    Your Santa with the voetbal (Dutch for soccer) is great.

    A huge hug from me.

  2. Lori...Emotions are what help get us thru the difficult times in life. I agree with Essie...let it out..all of them!! We are here for you should you need a sounding board.

    I LOVE this did an outstanding job!!


  3. oh Lori, I am so sad to hear those news from you. I'd wish I could help you to go thro this pain, but I know that the only thing which can help you is time.
    Take care of you, dear.

  4. Thanks Ladies for stopping by with your words of comfort. I know it has been a while since I responded to your post here, but I think you understand. :-) I am doing much better now and slowly but surely I am pulling myself back together again. Thank you very, very much.